INFIDELITY
I am using the word "partner" in his peice because here are too many unmaried couples that experience this nd i'm not letting anyone off the hook.
I feel about infidelity the same as I feel about murder and suicide. It is a purely selfish act that hurts those around you. I will, however, acknowlegde that suicide often has complex contributing factors. t is still selfish.
Back on track. Infidelity isn't about how much you love or don't love someone. It's not about your partner(not everyone is a married couple) doing or not doing something you want. It is not even about yourself being unhappy in what you have. It's about being rebellious, looking for instant gratification and takeing the shortest, easiest route for that gratification.
I've heard people say some pretty amazing hings o explain away infidelity.
"If they can't get it from you, the're going to get it from someone else."
"I love you, but i'm just not in love with you."
" I have no sex drive."
"They manipulated ithemselves into dating me."
"they're crazy."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"We've grown apart."
"I married them out of guilt."(when "I" proposes it's not guilt.)
"It's me, It's not you."
"They haven'ttouched me in 8 months."
How many of those have I heard? All of them. Yes. All of hem. How many of them sound reasonable to you? Not many. In fact none. Everytime I've heard this one,"I have no sex drive." , an act of infidelity has followed. The fourth one is a new one. Just this week, in fact. But i'm not buying it.
How can infidelity be avoided? Well DUH!!! Talk to your partner. No really. Talk to your partner. People change as they get older. You keep from "growing apart" by continuing to learn about each other. Keep talking to each oher, asking each other questions about the other person. You don't have o agree with everything they say. You don't have to like everything they like. The only way that would happen is if you marry yourself. Let's face it, we're not all dennis rodman. May have misspelled that.
As far as atraction goes. If you weren't attratcted to them in the first place you would never have dated them to begin with. Especially if you keep dating people who have the same features.
Okay. So the sex part. Eveyone has hang-ups in that department. If one of you doesn'twant to do something,or isn't comfortable with a certain thing, do something else or very carefully talk about why and go from there.
If, after doing everything possible, counseling, talking to each other and actively working on the relationship you still arent happy with it. get some help for yourself to figureout why.
Infidelity isn't something that just happens. It's done with full knowledge of the consequences of hose actions.
Oh yes, flirting is infidelity. Flirting opens the door in the reasoning box that leads to infidelity. If you can excuse away flirting you can excuse away physical infidelty.
If you want to flirt with someone, flirt with your partner. You'l both be happy with the resuls.
Don'tbe afraid to tell what's really on your mind. You'll be surprised how just holding hat back can damage the level of trust in the relationship. Don'tbe shy, just tell them.
I should point out that I have never been un faithful, and neither has he. But darn if I haven't seen so much of it right in my own home.
I am using the word "partner" in his peice because here are too many unmaried couples that experience this nd i'm not letting anyone off the hook.
I feel about infidelity the same as I feel about murder and suicide. It is a purely selfish act that hurts those around you. I will, however, acknowlegde that suicide often has complex contributing factors. t is still selfish.
Back on track. Infidelity isn't about how much you love or don't love someone. It's not about your partner(not everyone is a married couple) doing or not doing something you want. It is not even about yourself being unhappy in what you have. It's about being rebellious, looking for instant gratification and takeing the shortest, easiest route for that gratification.
I've heard people say some pretty amazing hings o explain away infidelity.
"If they can't get it from you, the're going to get it from someone else."
"I love you, but i'm just not in love with you."
" I have no sex drive."
"They manipulated ithemselves into dating me."
"they're crazy."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"We've grown apart."
"I married them out of guilt."(when "I" proposes it's not guilt.)
"It's me, It's not you."
"They haven'ttouched me in 8 months."
How many of those have I heard? All of them. Yes. All of hem. How many of them sound reasonable to you? Not many. In fact none. Everytime I've heard this one,"I have no sex drive." , an act of infidelity has followed. The fourth one is a new one. Just this week, in fact. But i'm not buying it.
How can infidelity be avoided? Well DUH!!! Talk to your partner. No really. Talk to your partner. People change as they get older. You keep from "growing apart" by continuing to learn about each other. Keep talking to each oher, asking each other questions about the other person. You don't have o agree with everything they say. You don't have to like everything they like. The only way that would happen is if you marry yourself. Let's face it, we're not all dennis rodman. May have misspelled that.
As far as atraction goes. If you weren't attratcted to them in the first place you would never have dated them to begin with. Especially if you keep dating people who have the same features.
Okay. So the sex part. Eveyone has hang-ups in that department. If one of you doesn'twant to do something,or isn't comfortable with a certain thing, do something else or very carefully talk about why and go from there.
If, after doing everything possible, counseling, talking to each other and actively working on the relationship you still arent happy with it. get some help for yourself to figureout why.
Infidelity isn't something that just happens. It's done with full knowledge of the consequences of hose actions.
Oh yes, flirting is infidelity. Flirting opens the door in the reasoning box that leads to infidelity. If you can excuse away flirting you can excuse away physical infidelty.
If you want to flirt with someone, flirt with your partner. You'l both be happy with the resuls.
Don'tbe afraid to tell what's really on your mind. You'll be surprised how just holding hat back can damage the level of trust in the relationship. Don'tbe shy, just tell them.
I should point out that I have never been un faithful, and neither has he. But darn if I haven't seen so much of it right in my own home.
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